I told y’all in my last post that I had come to the realization that I wasn’t giving enough attention to my own healing process lately, so over these last couple of weeks I’ve made an effort to get back to that.
I think part of the reason I was shutting down was that I just needed a break. The emotions involved in working through the healing process can be overwhelming at times and both mentally and physically exhausting. Jeff knew I wasn’t in a good place. I was quiet. Withdrawn. Distracted. My family noticed. My sisters said, “We’re a little worried about you. You seem different, and not in a good way.” Ouch. Yikes. Those sisters of mine. Y’all know they don’t miss anything, ha. And they have a gift of being able to say things to you that are harsh but necessary, but at the same time deliver it in the sweetest and most caring way. 😜Anyway, I knew I was spiraling, but that honesty coated in love and concern was part of what I needed to snap me back on track. So thanks for that. 😘
There comes a time when a part of you just wants to shut down and shut it all out. You just want a minute. An hour. DARE you hope for a WHOLE blessed day…one day that this isn’t what your life is now. A day to pretend it never happened. A day to just feel normal again. And that’s fine. It’s fine to take a break.
But in reality, you can’t really take a break from it. You can pretend all day long, but it’s there. It can never un-happen. (Yep, I just made that word up. Writers can do that and get away with it, right?) 😉
So yes, a break is ok, but I’ve found its best to take your moment, then take a deep breath and jump back in. So I got my focus back and got back to working on me and things have gone so much better this week. Jeff and I have had some really good talks, and through those I’ve been able to come to terms with some of the things that I needed to clarify or resolve in my mind.
I think we are both feeling a lot more peaceful this week. And hopeful. It’s not an easy process y’all. But we definitely believe there is even more goodness ahead of us. There’s been a whole lot of baby steps. There’s also been a couple of leaps, and even more steps backwards than I can count. But we are moving forward. There is progress. And it is good. It is so, so good.
I have learned a lot. Lessons that I never wanted to be in the position to learn. Lessons that I wish had come about in a different way. But I am so grateful for them. Grateful for the changes they have brought. And especially grateful because I can share some of them with you, and hopefully that will mean that you can learn from them and apply them in your life without having to go through what I have. Or if you’ve already been through it, hopefully you can use what I share to help you move forward too.
Thank you all for encouraging us. Thank you for showing Jeff grace and forgiveness. Thank you for all the support and encouragement you give to me. There is always a moment before I hit that publish button when I second guess myself, and I pause and think,”Am I sharing too much? Should I really put all this out there?” But the answer I get is always the same. People need to know the truth. The truth about how an affair affects everyone around you. The truth about the pain it causes. And the truth about a loving God that is full of forgiveness and grace and mercy and can walk with us through the darkest of places. The truth about just how good He really is.
So thank you for reading my blog, and thank you for sharing it with others. I’m still blown away when I see the far flung places my words have reached. Just blown away. I never would have imagined it and just thank God that I can use it to share His goodness. And y’all are a big part of making that possible.
So thank you, thank you all for being goodness and love and light. I just love ya. ❤️
Amy Thurston Gordy