“Not my story”

I am overwhelmed at the response and the support you all have shown for this site. Absolutely blown away at the number of people it has already reached. For all those that have given me encouraging messages and comments about how the words I have written spoke to your heart, I have no words that could express how much that means and what a blessing it is to me.

This blog is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I love words. I love writing. I never followed through with it before because I was afraid. Because I worried. What if it’s not good enough? What if no one reads it? What if I run out of things to say? And maybe, if I’m being painfully honest, How can I write and not reveal too much of myself?

I have always been a fairly private person. One that tended not to share my real full self with many. Introverted with just enough extrovert qualities to put myself out there without ever really putting myself out there. Enough to be social and have fun but always holding a little back. Flying just under the radar. Only my family and a few select and carefully chosen friends got to really know me. I was always a bit guarded, afraid to be transparent. It’s a way of protecting yourself I guess. But at the same time you are putting limitations on yourself and your life that you can’t even see.

I’m not that person anymore. I’ve learned that in order to fully reach your God given potential, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. From going through something so painful and heartbreaking, I’ve learned that I don’t need to protect myself. God’s got me. He is all the protection I need. If you want people to see God in you, you’ve got to be willing to put yourself out there; flaws, insecurities, heartbreaks and all. I have realized that by withholding ourselves, we are withholding Him. By hiding parts of ourselves away, we are actually hiding Him, and He is not meant to be hidden.

So, this is me. The open book, guard down, authentic Amy. Yikes. 😉                I have to admit, pressing that publish button on that first post was slightly terrifying. And this one, well this one is feeling a bit like that dream you have where you show up to class and realize you are in your underwear, or you are standing at the door of an airplane 30,000 feet above the ground and you have to jump. But it is also liberating, and I felt a true sense of peace that this is what I’m supposed to do, and it’s time to jump.

Coming up with a name for my blog was a bit of a challenge. But this phrase from something I had written in my journal kept jumping out at me. So, why “Not my story”?  Well, it actually has a double meaning.

The first being that when I learned of my husband’s affair, and in the devastating months that followed, I would have to tell my story over and over again. Each time I would tell it, it was somewhat of an out of body experience, in the sense that it was just all so surreal to me. It was as if I could hear myself saying the words, but my mind would be thinking, “Oh, that’s awful. Who is she talking about?” It was as if I was listening to someone else talking about some other person. Because this was not my story. This couldn’t be my story. How could this possibly be MY story???

This isn’t supposed to happen to me. I’m not supposed to be that heartbroken woman crying in the corner after church. No, the Amy I know is happy, and has a sweet little family. That can’t be me. We aren’t supposed to be the subject of gossip and whispers. We were supposed to be the adorable 90 year old’s that have been together since they were teenagers, at a party celebrating our 70 some odd year wedding anniversary, where Jeff would give a toast to  me having been his one and only for all those years. And people would be saying how precious we were, and what a testament to true love.

And as I’m having those thoughts, I hear the voice telling the story, MY voice, and I hear it catch as a sob escapes and it pulls me back to reality. Sheer panic washes over me, because yes, it is my story. MINE. And I did not want it.

The second reason I chose this name, is that when it comes down to it, the real story is God’s goodness. Through the best of times and through the most awful of circumstances, His goodness is always, always there. So when I share my story, or post my thoughts, or have any interaction with you; whether in person or on this blog or social media, the story I really want you to see is His. The story of His goodness, His mercy, and his unfailing love for us. So, in that sense it really is “not my story”.

For those of you that didn’t yet know what my struggle was about before having read this post, you should know that our’s is a story of redemption. It’s a story of forgiveness. I don’t say that it’s a story of restoration, because God did not restore us to what we had before. What we have now is all new, and in so many ways, so much more. Through this awful thing, God is transforming the both of us. Jeff is becoming the man God always intended him to be, but never knew how. And I am becoming the woman God intended me to be, but was never brave or bold enough. This path is not without difficulty, but we are intent to look past the pain and focus on the positive things that have come from these negative circumstances. We move forward now with our eyes opened, our hearts thankful, and with full expectancy of the goodness to come.

Thank you all for being a part of this journey with us, and for making this blog a welcoming place for my thoughts to land.

Amy Thurston Gordy

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Author: notmystorysite

Contact:acgordy91@gmail.com

8 thoughts on ““Not my story””

  1. Dear Amy,
    I am sobbing as I read this. I am so grateful that you shared yourself. Those of us that know the horror of the pain you have been through and the sweet release of the Lord when he heals us can appreciate your story! I am so grateful to know you.
    Love, Kim

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  2. Amy, I don’t personally know you but I’ve seen hundreds of joyous memorable photos of you and happy times with your beautiful sisters. I’m friends with your sister Marla. I found it so amazing as I read your story that a smile from a beautifully dressed woman who has perfect hair, gorgeous skin and looks like everything is perfect in her world, that the smile mask so much real pain and heartache. As women, that’s what we tell ourselves to do because if we mask it people can’t see it. It kinda protects us to look like everything is great with us, when if only people really knew.
    Thank you for sharing your heart and your journey with all of us, you perhaps are telling the story of so many women who walked down similar paths. I think as we all walk through painful events, no matter the source of that pain, it’s important to realize what’s the lesson in all this? What’s the message that God is teaching me.
    For me it’s been dealing with the death of my precious sister. It’s a journey ivè been on for 5 years now and God is still teaching me. I’m still learning and hopefully the insight I’ve gained will allow me to be a blessing to someone along the way. Just as you’re blessing us now. You may never know how many lives you will or have touched.
    I wait with anticipation for what I’m sure to learn from “Not My Story”

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    1. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I can’t imagine how hard that would be. I pray God continues to comfort you. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. God is already allowing you to be a blessing, you blessed ,me today!

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  3. God is Good!! I am so proud of you Amy and know that this is just the beginning of what God has in store for you! The best is yet to come! Keep writing because you have been blessed with a gift and your words are powerful! Your mama loves you bunches!

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  4. Sweet Amy, thanks for the raw, heart felt words. I love your family! Our experience good, bad and indifferent become our territory, our property to manage. Some manage better than others. What a blessing that you and Jeff have chosen to manage your territory with God’s purpose and perfect plan as your focus. Keep the words coming some many need to hear real!

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